Blood Work and Oncologist Visit

After having my blood work done up, I saw my Onc. My blood is normal which is no change from last time. The Onc said if she had noticed anything unusual, she`d request a CT scan pronto. So with that out of the way we will go with my scheduled scan on January 19th. This will be my first CT scan since starting Xeloda ... to be honest, I’m a bit nervous because this scan will tell us whether the Xeloda is working or not. I’d hate to have to switch to another chemo and its side effects.

My Onc questioned me on some of the potential side effects of Xeloda. Mouth sores, nope. Diarrhea, nope. She also asked about my about my fingers. Did I have any cracks ... I said no, but the tips on my thumbs were peeling and my finger tips were more sensitive. She asked if it was affecting my typing ... I said oh no!

It’s been four weeks since I’ve been to the clinic and it was a pleasure to be able to walk thru without having to sit and rest every so often. I really feel like a new person or maybe more like, the person I used to be.

A new year... and a new chance at life beyond breast cancer.

We are just a few days into the year 2010 and by now, hopefully, you've worked out your resolutions and goals for the year. (I haven't but that's besides the point) I have been thinking about what I want to experience this year and how I can make a difference.

When I started this breast cancer journey in the summer of 2008, I told myself that I would not become one of those eternally optimistic, always in pink, breast-cancer-is-my-life women. Not that there is anything wrong with being one of those women -- they are changing the world with their energy and their efforts -- I just didn't want this illness to become my cause. I was ashamed of my diagnosis and I thought that it would be something that I needed to get beyond and then forget about.

Breast cancer simply is not that way. At least not for me. It has now been 16 months of this... and I am becoming that voice.  A year ago I couldn't understand women who said that breast cancer was one of the best things to happen to them.. I'm beginning to understand now.

(more after the jump.. click the READ MORE link)

I guess for some of us -- probably many of us actually -- we allow life to sort of run us into a rut of ordinary living.  I was that way. Looking and searching for something that would make my life feel worthy and meaningful.  Don't get me wrong, I found meaning and purpose in many things but it was as though I couldn't pull it together into one coherent theme. And then breast cancer came along and changed everything that I thought I knew about myself.

In some ways, I see myself the same way. But in many, many more... I know that I am different now and there is no turning back to the way it was. I am not sure whether I will always be super-energized about breast cancer awareness. Knowing me, some of the enthusiasm will wear off after some time. But as long as I have it, I'm going to use it.

I haven't completed a list of resolutions -- not sure that I will do one actually -- but one thing I do know is that I will have at least one event that is a fundraiser for women and men diagnosed with breast cancer. Right now, I am envisioning a grand gala with a sexy theme. But I will keep you posted about the details as the year goes on.

What are you going to do to help the cause that means the most to you?  Think about it, and then make it happen. If I can help you in anyway, leave me a note and let me know.

okay... so how long will it take for my hair to really grow back after chemotherapy?

I completed the first part of my chemotherapy journey approximately a year ago. I finished my Herceptin treatment (a hormonal targeted treatment) about a month and a half ago. The first part of the journey was the worst on my body and especially on my hair. It made it ALL fall out. All over. Just bald.

In some ways, it was wonderful. In others... not so much. I didn't have to shave my legs or get a bikini wax for months and months. But, my hair came out in clumps and my eyelashes just disappeared. You take the good with the bad and you deal with it.

I think I preferred being bald

My new post-chemotherapy hair is very curly and very dark. It is soft and reasonably easy to manage which is good for me because I have no idea what to do with my hair. I haven't had to "do" my hair in many years. I wore it very short in order to avoid hairdressers, blow dryers, curling irons and all that jazz. Yes, I am admitting that I was (am) quite "hair-lazy".

(more after the jump...click the READ MORE link)

Losing my hair to chemotherapy was traumatic. To move beyond it, I promised myself that if my hair came back I would allow it to grow as long as it could grow. So, I havent' been to the barbershop since the fall of 2008. But...now I am frustrated. I've got this curly afro on my head and I have no idea what to do with it.
 
I need help.


Where's my hair growth?

After almost a year... My hair really hasn't grown much. Well, let me take that back. Its grown a lot. Although its pretty curly, stretched out its about 3 inches long all around. Considering that I was bald as a cueball this time last year... I am appreciative of the growth. At the same time though, I realize that hair typically grows about 1/2 inch per month. So... if you do the math... either my hair is growing at half that rate OR I've got a serious breakage issue going on over here.

Might be a little bit of both -- slow growth and breakage. Since I'm not accustomed to being overly concerned with my hair, this is all new to me. I thought that by now I would be fighting myself to get to the barbershop and have all my hair cut off. But it really hasn't happened. I would like to see myself with long hair again. I can't remember the last time I had hair that came down farther than my ears.

Hair chronicles

In the coming days, weeks and months... I plan to chronicle my journey with my hair growth. Learning how to care for naturally curly hair is challenging. Fortunately, there are a lot of sisters out there working with learning how to manage their hair in its natural state. I've discovered quite a few blogs and websites dedicated to helping african-american women go "natural" and learn to appreciate the hair texture that they have. I am hopeful that with their help, I will also learn how to work with my natural curliness -- even if its different from the hair I had before chemotherapy.

The first thing I have to figure out is a regular regimine that is healthy and somewhat easy to carry out. Wish me luck.

Falling down... is it a symptom of something else?

My last post was a couple of weeks ago. I apologize for the silence. I had a little accident about a week before Christmas and it has made typing a bit of a problem.

On my way to have dinner with some girlfriends, I slipped (or tripped) and fell at the subway station. (sigh) Long story short, I hurt my right arm -- I think I sprained my elbow when I fell -- and I've been trying to give it a chance to rest and heal. It is coming along, not as painful as it was. But it still hurts and the bruising is still there. I can't completely straighten the arm out and if I try to hold anything that weighs more than maybe 1 pound, I'm in trouble.

I have been resting the arm and keeping a warm heating pad on the area several times a day. It has helped significantly. But I believe that it is time (well, beyond time actually) for me to see my primary care doctor to find out whether or not its doing alright.

(more after the jump... click the READ MORE link)

Falling down scares me. I have been awkward and clumsy my entire life -- years of dance lessons and modeling aside -- so bumping into things or stumbling is not something new to me. While I love to dance (and I have a decent sense of rhythm) walking sometimes presents a true challenge for me. I learned in my late 20's that I had depth-perception issues with my eyes which probably has accounted for the clumsiness most of my life. However, I rarely let my natural clumsiness keep me from feeling good about myself.  It was just part of who I am. So, fast forward to my early days of breast cancer treatment when my clumsiness took an entirely new twist.

Chemotherapy makes you weak. It makes you tired. It makes you pretty fragile. And for Nicole, it heightened my inability to walk upright and smoothly without falling down. Sadly, I was so accustomed to being slightly awkward and clumsy that I didn't realize at first that my falling down (and sometimes falling out) was a problem until I ended up in the hospital a couple of times.

I'm well past chemotherapy and with God's help, I pray that I never ever have to have it again in my life. I'm not as weak and frail now as I was then but it seems that the enhanced clumsiness is still with me. When I fell down at the metro station, I was embarrassed but mostly I was confused.

It was a clear evening. There wasn't anything slick or slippery on the platform that I noticed. And yet, just a few feet from the steps I landed face first on the cold floor for no apparent reason. A few very kind people stopped to help me and one gentleman swore up and down that I slipped on a wet spot on the floor. But to my recollection, there wasn't any wetness anywhere near where I fell. I just ended up on my face. I don't know why. That scares me a little. Okay. It scares me a lot.

I move around by myself a lot. Like everyone else, I have things to do and places to go. Falling down for no apparent reason is not a good sign for me. It makes me timid to head out alone but that's how I live my life. When I need to do something, I get up and go get it done. At least I used to be that way. Now, I find myself turning down invitations to do things, or taking a long time to convince myself that I can go places... because I have this fear of falling down. Its irrational but its there.

My oncologist could not tell me why I fell down when I was in chemotherapy. But he seemed concerned at the time. I really wasn't then but now, I'm wondering whether my falling has something to do with something else. Is it a symptom of something that I'm unaware of? Its just weird.

There are some health issues that have falling (or the loss of balance) as a symptom. Since I've been experiencing back pain intermittently for months now and my doctor has noticed that I do have arthritis in my back... I think that its time for me to consider having someone check out whether or not there is a problem that I need to work on.

Randy Pausch Inspires Graduates

This is 6:32 minute video of Professor Randy Pausch giving an inspirational speech to the Carnegie Mellon University Class of 2008 … at the Commencement ceremony.

Seems I Have More Energy

I can hardly believe it but on New Year’s Eve I actually stayed up till past midnight.... And with an abundance of finger food, chocolate and coffee I was a kind of worked up. This meant I was a bit more tired than normal on New Year’s Day. So last night I decided to take an Ativan before going to bed. I woke up this morning at around 8, feeling a bit groggy and headachy. I took 3 shots of Benadryl and one regular aspirin and then slept three more hours. Now I’m feeling good.

As far as my body goes, my calves are suppler and not as tight, allowing me to move around so much easier. My feet are still swollen a bit but they aren’t a huge issue right now. It’s a bit strange, but my other muscles are now sore ... like my thighs, like I’ve been doing squats or something. I think it’s just me being more active and working them.

I’m finding more energy to go do laundry. And now I can easily cook without the need of a chair in the kitchen. My motivation to do stuff is slowly coming back and my body is begrudgingly following suit.

Happy New Year!