Depression Symptoms | Symptoms Of Depression

Depression Symptoms | Symptoms Of Depression, D Symptoms, there are many reasons for a person to become depressed, and if you are feeling depressed and you do not take any help of a psychiatrist, then you would know that you can become suicidal, and do yourself a lot of harm as well as the persons loving you. There are many symptoms with which you can actually find out if the person is under an depression, and there are many ways to cure such a depression, if only they can be treated in the initial stages.

In normal circumstances, depression symptoms are basically a lack of security among the person who is undergoing a depression, and there would also not be feeling any sleep during the night, and also tend to get tired very easy, and would feel that the depression medication that they are having is the best thing for them. In such circumstances, you could also get very afraid of the people around you, and would always talk with yourself in order to find solace in the going ons in this world. In such circumstances, the symptoms of depression are also always tending to be lonely, and not mixing with other people, and socialising with them.

More About Depression Symptoms

* Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
* Loss of interest in daily activities.
* Appetite or weight changes
* Sleep changes.
* Anger or irritability.
* Loss of energy.
* Self-loathing.
* Reckless behavior
* Concentration problems.
* Unexplained aches and pains

Depression Pictures And Images

I whip my hair back and forth...

Unless you've been living under a rock or something... you've probably heard that Willow Smith, daughter of Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith has a blazing hot new single called "Whip My Hair". She is a fiesty 9 year old girl who has stolen my heart with this wonderful little tune. Why? Because she reminds me to be present... and to be happy to be an individual.

Whip my hair is about being an individual. To quote Willow, "Like you can't be afraid of yourself. You have to be yourself and you can’t let anyone tell you that it’s wrong!"

The song is catchy with an infectious hook and a happy beat. The video that was just released yesterday is equally amazing and fun and effervescent. In this song, Willow has captured the essence of what it means for me to be a breast cancer survivor... its MY life now. I get to choose how to live it, what to do with it, and what brings me joy.

I whip my hair back and forth...

Being happy is a choice that you have to make every day. Several times a day. All the time in fact. Life is constantly presenting challenges. Some of them stop you in your tracks. Some of them are easy to get beyond. But everytime you're faced with one... you have, in that moment, a chance to choose how you will react to it and whether your will choose happiness or something else.

I read recently that people who think of themselves as happy people tend to constantly look at life as a series of choices and obstacles. They choose to see challenges not as impenetrable walls or road blocks but as detours. You choose one path and then a challenge pops up... if you sit there and stare at the challenge, cry about the unfairness that the challenge appeared in your way, sit down and study the challenge... you're missing an opportunity to be happy and to be on your way.

Go around it. Or maybe you need to go under it. Sometimes you may have to go back a little bit to find a different path to reach your goal. But the choice to be happy while you keep moving is always yours.

I don't say any of this facetiously. I know that some of the challenges that life presents to us can knock us to our knees. Learning that I had breast cancer, that I would have to give up my breast and my fertility in order to save my life... knocked the wind out of me and pushed me to my knees. And it hurt. It hurt so very deeply that I can still feel the heartbreak from that time. But the choice to smile and find something -- no matter how small -- to be happy about was mine.

I'll be honest. I didn't always choose happiness. There were (and still are) lots of moments when I do just stop and cry. I look at the obstacles in front of me and I just cringe. I shout out to God that I've simply had enough of the shenanigans. And then after I've gotten it out of my system... I get up. And I start moving again.

Or as Willow says... "I whip my hair back and forth..."

Check out the video, if you haven't seen it already.
 
Whip my hair - youtube video


PS. I am not trying to make light of having breast cancer or going through any type of traumatic experience. If you find that you cannot find your way to joy or happiness... you may need to talk to a counselor or a therapist. Depression is real. Post-traumatic stress disorder is real. And sometimes you need more than willpower or a catchy tune to find your way to happiness. There is no shame in seeking help. There is no shame in grieving your losses. If the people who love you and see you most often seem concerned about your sadness... chat with someone who may be able to help steer you in the right direction.

But if it feels like a temporary state of unhappiness... just whip your hair back and forth until you giggle. Believe me, it works.

learning to live a little

 I had a great time today... hanging with one of my besties and just talking. We talked about how we have become complacent in our lives and its time to break that bad habit and get back into the swing of things.

I confessed to her that I feel that I've lost my mojo, lost a bit of my swagger... though I'm on a mission to get it back. I am a reformed party girl. Yes, I admit it. I partied through my 20's and halfway through my 30's too. It was fun and I enjoyed just hanging out and meeting new people. The problem with being the party girl is that eventually you get old. And then you're not the hot girl... but the old chick at the spot. No matter how cute you are... partying isn't a lifetime career/hobby move. Its temporary and fleeting at best.

But its fun!!  And I'm all about having fun. That is what makes dealing with breast cancer rather difficult. Breast cancer is really NOT fun. Not that you can't find shining moments, and happy giggles while you deal with your treatment and its aftermath. But that overall... it is just too mentally consuming to really allow you to relax and float away on life's giggles.

I am struggling with navigating this void after "active" treatment. It is known to be a period where many breast cancer survivors fall into depressive states and feel lost and confused. (hand raised...) I can totally relate to that feeling. Even though I knew this was coming, and I thought I was prepared for it... I am having a hard time dealing with the loss of being in the cancer center regularly, and seeing my medical team all the time.

But the honest truth is that its over. I am done with that part of my breast cancer journey and I have to find new comfort in my new life. I told my girl that I feel that I have sort of collapsed in on myself. I hide behind this computer screen -- mostly hidden away in my bedroom -- and pretend to reach out to the world and interact. The truth is that... its easy here. Its safe here. But... real talk... its also BOR-ING here. The old Nic was a lot of fun. She was a bit of a crack-pot, sometimes flighty as hell... but good for some giggles and whatnot.

This new chick? Man... she's a stick in the mud, for real. Nice girl, to be sure. But scary as h*ll. (laughs) With good reason, I know.

Bottom line, I'm digging deep... pushing myself hard... determined to get back to the sexy girl I know that I can be. So... my new goal is to get out of my comfort zone at least twice a month and do something fun and different.

I will keep you posted on how that all turns out. We're starting with... going out dancing on Friday night. Pray for me!!!

Mood swings as side effects... who woulda thunk it?

The other night I was up surfing the internet and I came across an article that connected mood swings and depression with Tamoxifen.  If you've been following the blog for awhile, you've probably noticed a lot of posts lately about my depression fears and my crying spells. It never occurred to me that any of this emotional stuff could be a side effect of my medication. I honestly thought that it was part of the baggage that comes with battling breast cancer. It is... but I think in my case, there's something more.

I've noticed that when I talk with other breast cancer patients and survivors... they seem to be more balanced than I am. Women who have battled cancer numerous times, have a smile on their face and a pep in their step that I simply do not have. That bothers me. Why aren't I more upbeat or at minimum more balanced about this ordeal? Why do I cry just about everytime someone says breast cancer out loud to me? In my head, I don't feel that I should cry...but for some reason, I do.


(more after the jump... click on the READ MORE link)


For example... yesterday I received an award for being a breast cancer "shero" and in all of my preparations for the acceptance speech, I didn't prepare for tears. Yet, when I got to the podium... I was a bucket of emotion and tears just kept streaming down my face. That wasn't my intention but (once again), it was what happened. Meanwhile, later in the day, several breast cancer survivors came up to me to talk and they all were so very composed, so very calm about their journey with breast cancer.

Why isn't that me? I had been told by many that time would make it better...but it doesn't seem to be working that way actually.

I've been telling myself (and others) that I'm just a cry-baby. But I will be calling my oncologist on Monday to discuss the possibilities of the Tamoxifen causing side effects that are playing with my emotions. When I think about all the ways that I'm not feeling quite myself... I see that there is a pattern that I have to address.

A few of the Tamoxifen side effects include:

• hot flashes
• low sex drive
• mood swings
• nausea
• headaches
• weight gain

Interestingly enough, a few days before I read the article linking depression and Tamoxifen, I read a few articles about the use of anti-depressants with Tamoxifen. To summarize... if I choose to take anti-depressants (assuming that I need them), I have to be quite careful which pills I take because some anti-depressants reduce the effectiveness of Tamoxifen. (geez!) Basically, I am dealing with occasional headaches, serious mood swings, weight gain, some nausea and hot flashes.

Compare those symptoms with some of the symptoms of depression:

• difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
• fatigue and decreased energy
• feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
• feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
• insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
• irritability, restlessness
• loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
• overeating or appetite loss
• persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
• persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
• thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

I have quite a few of these symptoms as well... so, now I'm concerned. Calm, not scared... but definitely concerned. I hope to know something in the next few days...if nothing more than either there's something to be concerned about or there's nothing to be concerned about. I will keep you posted about what I learn. The way that I shift from laughing to crying... and vice versa has begun to concern me. I may have noticed it sooner if I didn't spend so much time alone. But, a talk with the doctor(s) is definitely in order.

My insomnia has gotten so bad that I have to double my ambien dose just to sleep more than 20 minutes. And without it, I do not sleep. Period. Its a little unsettling. And the other symptom that is beginning to really concern me is my eating habits. I have gotten to a point where I often forget to eat. Like today. Its almost midnight, I haven't eaten a thing all day. As soon as I finish this post, I'm going to eat. But for someone who likes food as much as I do... not eating for an entire day -- for no reason -- just isn't normal. (I feel scrambled eggs and maybe a bagel in my immediate future) This all just tells me that even when you're out of the phase of "active" treatment for breast cancer, you have to remain focused and diligent about taking care of your entire self. I've been so focused on my physical healing and scars that I was diminishing the possibility of having emotional scars that needed attention as well. I won't continue to make that mistake.

Fighting depression

I suppose I'm beginning to sound like a broken record (yeah, that's a shout-out to the old folks reading this blog -- RECORDS -- remember those?). I'm terrified of depression creeping up around me.

Since the surgery, I've been in a frenzy of tears and sadness. I'm sleeping too much -- when I should be awake -- and awake at night, when I should be asleep. Its freaking me out because I feel like I'm shrinking away from myself. I'm over-thinking every step I've made on this journey and wondering if I did the right thing, made the right choices... am I going to be alright in the long run? I think about death far too much...and not in a proactive, let's prepare for the worst kind of way. But I think about it in a "what if I wasn't here" sort of way.

I know that those kind of thoughts aren't good. However, since I have dealt with depression in the past, I work on putting those thoughts out of my head and I focus my attention in other areas. So know that each and everyday, I am thanking God for your presence in my life as I count my blessings and work to relieve my mind of some of the emotional stress and turmoil that this cancer has brought to my world.

Studies have been done that show that after the active treatment for breast cancer has concluded, many women continue to struggle with their emotional health and wellness. Post-traumatic stress disorder and  depression (from mild to severe) can strike from day one when the diagnosis is delivered. Due to the nature of this disease, the focus of your active treatment includes all variations of eradicating the cancer cells but very little is usually addressed to your emotional health. I think that's a shame. Judging from the way that I'm feeling these days... I can honestly say that it should be a requirement that a mental health professional be consulted at least once or twice during the course of treatment.

Never thought I'd advocate for more doctor visits, but in this case I see a real need for it. Millions of women are living with bodies that are disfigured, self-esteem that has plummetted and sometimes a diminished outlook on life.

I feel crazy!

And not in a good way. I know that I'm not alone because a quick trip through some of the on-line forums on some of the breast cancer sites shows that lots of women are really struggling with body image issues, depression, fear, anxiety, and so on. A really big stressor for many women is balancing work, family and financial issues. Far too many of us are struggling to be all that we were before cancer and are frightened to our core of not being able to keep up. That is a real issue for me. I'm not sure how to find the solution, but I'm trying to figure it out.

One of the nurses at the hospital during my stay, was a breast cancer survivor. We chatted a few times and she eventually shared with me that she had opted to have both of her breasts removed and reconstructed with implants. She was a mother of 4 and was the sole income for her family. She shared that her implants were leaking and she needed to have them replaced. However, since she was the sole income for her family, she couldn't afford to take the time off from work in order to take care of her health.

Did I mention that she was a nurse?

I was mortified and scared... and a little relieved because I realized during that conversation that all of us -- patients, survivors, care-givers & supporters -- are walking a really thin line between living fully and shrinking a bit from the scary edges of life. I was relieved to know that I wasn't alone in my worries and my fears. But I was saddened because I realized that this lady was risking her health -- after taking the drastic step of removing her breast in case cancer came back -- because the fear of losing her income or her job was greater than the fear of whatever health repercussions a leaking implant would cause.

Somehow, when the dust settles and my mind is back to clarity... I'm going to figure out a way to help all of these women like myself, who are struggling under the weight of this disease and its financial burdens. I've been thinking and thinking of ways that it can be done -- primarily because I want some relief myself right now. But I know that if I need help, then there are thousands if not hundreds of thousands of other women out there who need financial assistance as well. There has to be a solution. Its just a matter of finding it.

Depression is not my fate. Poverty is not my fate. Low self-esteem, again, not my fate. These negative things are not my destiny. (sigh) I will keep fighting to smile, to be happy, to be joyous, to feel fulfilled in my life. Right now, its an uphill battle. But from what I've read... if I keep the faith, things will turn around.

depression worries me and Farrah inspires me

I deleted my post from Thursday about going back on disability. Those of you who read the blog through the RSS feed (direct emails) got a chance to see my thoughts. I deleted it because I was worried about any fallout from discussing the job in a negative way.

(shrug)

I didn't say anything bad, but I was pretty emotional when I wrote it and I didn't take time to reflect on how I was feeling and the best way to approach the matter.

Bottomline, I'm back on disability. I was sent home on Thursday because the people in my office didn't think I was doing so well.

Now that I've had time to think about it and reflect -- and also consider the sudden death of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett's death after fighting cancer for 3 years -- I have calmed down. The truth is that sometimes other people see you in ways that you cannot see yourself. I live in a bubble of sorts... I'm surrounded by people who love me and want to see me survive and thrive through this latest challenge. So, to hear from strangers (over the phone) and hear that people who only vaguely know me (my co-workers) that they are worried about my abilities... really was devastating.

Lately, I've been very concerned with my emotional health. Not that I feel like I'm doing very poorly emotionally, but some days I do struggle. Some days, it is HARD, hard, hard. I am not as angry as I was months back but the sadness... it is always pretty close by. And that frightens me.

Although I wasn't exactly thrilled with my job after I returned (things were very different)... it did get me out of the house and among other people. Being put back on short-term disability felt like being pushed back down a staircase you've worked to climb. I've been kicking myself, asking myself what I could have done differently, done better. And I don't know. There's always something that I think I can improve upon. I wonder if I'm too hard, not hard enough... am I doing this right?

There are no easy answers.

True to myself... I did a quick search for depression and breast cancer and also suicide and breast cancer. (yes, I did) I had to see for myself what was out there, what others have dealt with and gone through just to see where I fell on the scale.

I was mortified to learn that black women breast cancer survivors are almost 3 times more likely to commit suicide than other survivors. This includes a period of up to 25 years beyond breast cancer.

Wow.

Now, to put things in perspective, the number is relatively small considering the number of women who have to handle breast cancer... so its not like we're talking about an epidemic. But there is definitely a reported number of women who struggle with depression during and after breast cancer. And a small number of those women end up committing suicide.

Its a frightening thought.

I looked up depression because the fear of depression coming into my life scares me deeply. And the emotions that bubbled up on Thursday reminded me of a darker period in my life. I needed to head it off at the pass.

Naturally there are lots of reasons/contributing factors to the depression that are directly linked to breast cancer treatments -- including taking tamoxifen for hormonal treatments.

Arrrghhh... is there ever an easy answer, an easy choice on this journey?

Right this moment, I am trying to motivate myself to go to a birthday party tonight. Earlier this week, I really wanted to go. Now, I'm not sure. But then... after reading about depression and suicide and breast cancer -- I feel like I need to force myself out of the house and interact with people.

I think I'm going to go. I need to mingle among other people and laugh and feel free for a little while. I refuse to go down into the pit of depression.

Re-

Fuse.


Farrah Fawcett has never been a "hero" of mine. Well, maybe when I was a little girl and she was one of "Charlie's Angels". But generally speaking, I've only thought of her as "fluff"... pretty much the way I consider most entertainers. Though I didn't get to see her documentary her death touched me deeply. Every time I learn about another cancer death, it affects my mood and my spirit. Farrah's death actually has been more difficult for me than Michael Jackson's death. Because I know that she has exercised a lot of faith, a lot of courage and a lot of strength just to live to June 2009.

This has been an emotional and difficult week. Dealing with the death of others always makes us loook at our own lives and wonder about our mortality. Farrah had a rare form of cancer and she fought, fought and fought some more against it. In the end, she was frail and in pain... but she still fought. I admire that kind of strength. I don't know if I have it or not... but I certainly hope so.

The faith to keep trusting doctors, the faith to keep trying new treatments, the courage to get on planes and fly between countries looking for answers, the faith and the courage to say yes to the marriage proposal of Ryan O'Neal...the courage to keep smiling, and keep filming... through the pain and through the knowledge that the end was near.

Today Farrah is definitely my hero.

If I had enough hair, I would rock the "Farrah flip" in her honor. But instead, I will put on some snazzy trousers and some heels and go to this party like nothing's bothering me and my body is in perfect health.