3 days in the hospital... and the week after...

I'm going to try this again. Seems like the entire post I just typed... disappeared. Ugh! Now I have to try to remember what I wrote the first time. Bleah.

Sorry that I haven't posted since October 22nd. Long story short, I ended up in the hospital on the 24th. I was feeling lousy for a few days... and it didn't occur to me to take my temperature until Thursday of that week. I had a fever. When I spoke with the nurse on Friday and told her that I had had a fever for the past couple of days... she told me to go to the emergency room. I thought that maybe she was being extremist but... nah. She was way smarter than me.

Turns out... having a fever when you're in chemotherapy is a very very bad thing. It is a sign that your immune system is very weak and you're probably at risk for getting an infection or a virus or something awful. Now, in an ordinarily healthy adult, your body fights off infection with no problem and you're okay in no time. But... of course, since chemo tears down all your fast growing cells, you're susceptible to having an infection wreck havoc on your body.

Went to the emergency room on Friday afternoon... didn't leave the hospital until Monday evening... and practically had to beg then to be released. Spent 12 hours in emergency (so much fun) and then the next few days in a little room on the 5th floor. My white blood count was extremely low... according to one doctor, my blood work showed that my neutrophils were at .9 -- that's an issue when normal is like 4000. I was fortunate that I had not (that they could tell) gotten any infections but they pumped me full of antibiotics for days to make sure that I was okay. And they gave me lots of saline (seems like I was dehydrated too) and also 3 blood transfusions. I was rather anemic too.

All in all... I was a bit of a mess. But, I came out on Monday feeling much better. I actually felt about normal -- pre-cancer normal that is. I had chemo on Thursday... and this was the first of four cycles of Taxol (a different chemo drug). Actually, I ended up having chemo on Thursday and Friday -- a mix-up that the nurses made. However, today... I feel awful. I got through the weekend okay but now I feel so achy and sore that I'm hoping tomorrow when I go to the cancer center, they can tell me how to ease this feeling.

Since my neutropenic fever the other week, my doctor is taking extra precautions and I get to have 3 injections this week, instead of getting just one the day after chemo like I normally do. Also, this week, I start my hormone therapy (herceptin) which I will continue every week for the next year. (can you believe this??) Basically, I will spend one day each week for the next 52 weeks tethered to an IV being pumped full of medicine.

fun.

Anyhoo... my taste buds aren't as jacked up as they have been. I remain hopeful that they will come all the way back -- I swear I don't want to go through the rest of my life with food tasting this way. Even though today its better than it was -- its still not good enough. Not for a girl who likes food as much as I do.

My knees, my hips, my back, my ankles, my arms... all those joints... HURT LIKE HELL. But, what ya gonna do?? It came on slowly -- a little bit last night but today, it came down on me like hard rain. By the time I finished lunch today... I wanted to crawl, literally, back to bed.

Before the achiness came on me... I was worried that I wouldn't be able to stand for hours (if necessary) to vote. Now... I really don't know what's going to happen. I'm going to pray that God works it out that there isn't a line when I get to the polling place because I will literally sit on the ground if I have to stand for more than 2 minutes. And it will be hard work getting up -- believe that.

Since my immune system is so weak, its not likely that many of you will be seeing me over the next couple of months. I really can't risk any germs, infections, etc. In fact, I probably won't be able to see my family for Thanksgiving for the same reason -- and man, that really sucks. But I promise you -- I do not want to spend another 4 days in the hospital getting pumped full of medicine and getting blood transfusions. The food is just too horrible to risk it. lol...

All in all... achiness and hospital visits aside... I'm doing okay. I'm in reasonably good spirits. Though, you all know... I will cry from time to time. In fact, I made a friend with one of the nurses while I was in the hospital and I ended up crying on her shoulder for a long time on Sunday night. I was glad that she was there and understood (or empathized with) what I was feeling.

I wish I could explain to you how my mood will shift from upbeat and happy to sad and confused in a matter of moments. But I haven't identified any triggers that precipitate the change in outlook. All I know is that... every now and then... I get upset and sad that I'm going through this and that I'm taking my family and friends through all this emotional stuff.

I'm going to bed now... gotta get up and vote tomorrow. I love you and I thank you for sticking with me on this journey. Your prayers and your good wishes... are really keeping me going. You have no idea.

~Nic