The awkward hair conversation

Let me start with... I have to shout out one of my favorite breast cancer bloggers for the idea for this post. Chemo Babe had a very poignant comment on her facebook page yesterday and it made me think (as her posts very often do). As several of us survivors chimed in on the topic she posted, several mentioned awkward comments they have received about their hair. So of course, being a black woman, I laughed. And being a black woman who has sported uber-short hair for many, many years... I heartily laughed because I remembered so many really awkward conversations about my hair texture and my hair cut since my hair has grown back after chemo.

As you can see in this picture (at least I hope you can see this picture)... my hair after a fresh haircut is very, very short. I'd love to be able to tell you that I do this out of solidarity for my fellow cancer survivors. But honestly, I've worn my hair this short for over 10 years (over 14 years actually). I like the cut on me. I like the way my face looks with just a bit of hair around it.

But you and I both know (or we should know) that hair is a really big deal in the black community. We will put chemicals in it to color it, to change the texture, to loosen our natural kink into a flowing curl... We will buy hair (human or fake) to braid into our hair, to wear loose like a weave... We will spend hundreds, even thousands of dollars for hair installations (that's a very fancy name for hair weaves, I think) for wigs, for braids. We will tolerate unspeakable pain, and lose hours of our lives every week... in order to maintain our impeccably styled hair.

Black women and their hair is a very serious matter. Just ask Chris Rock. Now, that said... imagine the conversations I've had with well-intentioned strangers about "what do you have in your hair to make it curl that way, or lay flat that way?"

Sigh. (There's nothing special in my hair)

So you wonder... Do I feel like telling this strange person that my hair is this way because this is what I received in the chemo hair lottery when it grew back? Or do I say..."just shea butter, or clear gel or some other very true and innocuous response that doesn't really answer what I know they are asking?" Is this a teaching moment? Or am I tired and just want to be left alone?

Which way do I go?

Hair is a big deal in the black community. And the texture of your hair really matters to some people. And if you have short hair like mine, people often assume that you're militant, rebelling against the status quo, a member of the "natural hair" tribe... or something else. When the truth is that I was hair-lazy before cancer and though I promised myself that I would let it grow and grow after it came back after chemo I couldn't keep that promise to myself. I don't like the way that I look with long hair or even longer-yet-still-short hair. I just really like my pseudo-bald head. And if it helps me to connect with other cancer survivors, that is a great added benefit.

So, the awkward conversations about my fancy new hair will continue I'm sure. I will respond on a case by case basis, depending on my mood and how crazy the person inquiring about my hair appears to be. At this stage, I am protective about what I put on my hair and I don't plan to ever put another chemical in my hair. I am not natural because I am rejecting chemically processed hair by anyone. I am natural because in this state I feel that I am doing the best that I can do for my health. And that is the only thing that matters.

Being healthy... and being cute. :)