Tonight is one of those nights where the sadness is simply smothering me. I connected with someone online and found out that he was a medical oncologist who is working with cancer patients to help them connect more with their spirit. And as soon as I read about his background and his business, I burst into tears. This disease... is everywhere. And its killing people. Not in a figurative manner, I mean seriously... people are dying every day from this stupid disease.
So... I'm crying and I'm scared and I'm just frustrated. So much going on around me and inside of my head. My heart just can't keep up.
Cancer is an awful, awful disease. The treatment is horrible and hard. And the financial costs feel like they are choking the life from my future. Even as I live and build a new life... the bills and debts keep coming, keep piling on and I'm getting tired. This stupid disease has been a wrecking ball in my life and I just want some peace.
I know that this sad feeling won't last. And I am accepting the blessing of treatment that saved my life and millions of other people. But somedays -- some nights -- the tears simply won't stop falling. Tonight is one of those nights for me.
Tomorrow, I pray, that I will be in better spirits and more upbeat and happy. If not... tell me a knock, knock joke to make me smile.
Pretty please.
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