Time for the master cleanse... again

I woke up the other day and I was FAT!

*gasp*

Okay. So... I didn't just wake up one day and realize that I'd gained a few pounds. But, it certainly feels that way. I don't know what happened... well, I guess that's not true either. I know what happened. But at any rate, I know that I need to get back on track.

The seasons are changing and that means that its time to cleanse. I try to do a detox cleanse every quarter/every season. Its a way to clear my head, clean my system of whatever junk and crap I've been dumping into it... and to jump back into healthier eating and working out.

I was going to say "if I've slipped" but I know me... and by now I'm pretty sure you know me too and its not "if I've slipped" but SINCE I've slipped. (laughs)  I'm lousy about working out and eating healthy. But I do have good intentions.

I'll be back on the Master Cleanse in a few days. If you've never done it, I do encourage it. You will be amazed at how much better you feel after a few days (really its a week) of detoxing. In addition to the lemonade drink, I also soak in a bath with Epsom salts during the cleanse as well (actually, I do that all year round). It helps with the detoxification process as well.

I had a rude awakening because I looked at a picture of myself at the beginning of the summer in one of my bathing suits and then I looked in the mirror.

uh. Whose body is THAT?

*face twisted at the mirror, squinting trying to make it better*

Yeah. Gotta get back in order. Not now, but right now. Fried chicken wings when I go out and grilled cheese sandwiches when I can't sleep... wow.  Yuck on my waistline.  Suffering through insomnia and then not walking/running when I am awake... yeah, that's a good plan. (insert sarcastic look here)  Drinking, drinking, drinking... did I mention drinking calories all the time? Ugh. I've been swilling on sodas, liquor, tea made with (gasp) SUGAR... ohhhh! I'm so ashamed. Ice cream in the middle of the night. Candy, popcorn... yeah. You name it and I've probably gulped it down, licked the plate and my fingers and reached for more.

*head nod*  Yeah. So... when I woke up fat the other day... it was only because I've been looking at myself with one eye closed when it comes to eating well and doing the right thing. Right now, we're just looking at a little bloat around the middle and about 5-8 pounds but when you're already not really a small girl... everything extra is just EXTRA.

Oh well. Gotta do it. Its fall now and while I could hide in big sweaters and chunky clothes, I don't want to do that.  Anybody else out there doing cleanses or other detox methods? What works for you?

Time for a detox

You know what I'm learning? Or rather... what keeps getting hammered into my head? This "life after breast cancer treatment" is a trip. I don't know why it is so hard for me to know this or to accept that. But... as I've been told all my life... a hard head makes a soft behind. My tuckus is feeling mighty tender at the moment.

Right now, I'm realizing that I have fallen off. Completely and totally off. Now, I've been all gung ho about not putting certain things on my skin. I'm so worried about chemicals in my lotion and what might be lurking in my lip gloss that I have been TOTALLY slipping about what I put inside my body. Man... your girl has been slipping and tripping. I'm talking... all the way around just #FAIL.

I'm back on sugar. Yes. White sugar. The great evil. Yep. I've been drinking sodas, tossing back liquor like I'm in need of a meeting. I even... (and don't tell nobody this one).. I even smoked a cigar the other week. Now, to be fair to myself, I did not smoke the whole thing. I smoked maybe about a quarter of it. But still. I. Smoked. A. Cigar.

What in the hell? Ugh. Sometimes I am simply the damn worst. I've been eating white bread, candy, and more. I fell off the wagon with my daily runs. I'm just fat-girl-lazy right now. No real excuses. I mean, I could say a lot of bullshit reasons why I've been slipping but at the end of the day, they mean nothing. Especially when I KNOW better. When I know that its not just about vanity. That it is beyond just trying to be cute in my clothes. This is truly about my health. And I've been failing on me.

What a loser. (laughs)  But... a new season means its time for a detox. And I need more than just an internal cleansing. I need a mind cleansing. I need my soul scrubbed. I'm wilding out and it doesn't make sense. But then it does. I will act out (like many others do) when I feel overwhelmed and under pressure. I'm feeling a lot of pressure and I'm carrying a lot of fear in my heart. So to soothe myself... I do little things that make me feel better. But ultimately its to my detriment because having gone through breast cancer treatment I know that my body deserves the best treatment I can give it. The best food. Organic foods. Limited sugar intake. No sodas. Lots of water. Regular exercise.

Sigh. When did life get so complicated?

My birthday is in a few weeks and I need to start a new year with a new attitude -- and a cleansed body. So, its time for a detox. Spring is a season of rebirth and renewal and those themes have been ones that have provided me with long-standing comfort for many, many years.

I was reminded recently that failure isn't falling down but its staying down. Even though I am tired and I am afraid... I have to push on and push through those self-imposed prisons and keep trying to do better. This body is all that I have and it deserves the best treatment that I can give it. Sooo... I'm back on the right path. It all has to come together and that means that I have to keep trying in order to make it work.

Trying the Master Cleanse

Let me start with this... you know that your girl (that would be me) is sort of vain, right? Well... I don't think I'm overly vain -- I can walk by a mirror and not check myself out -- but I do value my attractiveness and would like to stay in the best shape that I can. Its a little interesting considering that I'm also a bit lazy and a lot greedy...

Not a good combination of traits. Sigh. Its worse now that I'm -- gulp -- middle aged and a breast cancer survivor. Sigh. Thanks to my age and my treatment, it seems that my metabolism has slowed to a crawl. All things considered, its a tolerable problem to have. But I have realized that I simply must do better for myself. I can't be overly concerned with the outside and then ignore the inside... so I've decided to start getting it together.

I like to eat. I like red meat and pork... I eat refined white flour and sugar. I do eat vegetables and fruits but I also eat cakes, cookies and pies. I can eat pizza and french fries nearly everyday. I drink alcohol regularly and occasionally I will have a cup of coffee. Oh... did I mention the love affair that I have with pasta? Yeah... I know. That's not the best way to fuel your body. I've been allowing myself the luxury of eating whatever I want whenever I want it because I can be very soothed by food. I admit that I'm still pampering myself because of the cancer and all of the other stressors in my life. But, I have come to realize that I'm doing myself a disservice. In a big way.

I'm planning to cleanse for a few days and then refocus my efforts to eat clean with less meat, fewer processed foods, more veggies and much more water. My health is actually very important to me and I know that looking good is definitely more than skin deep.  I need to detox and cleanse to get things back on track.

My plan is to detox for 3 days and then add more fruits, veggies and water to my diet while reducing my alcohol intake and severely cutting back my red meat. (So sad... I like steak and bacon -- and sometimes I like steak with bacon) I know that I probably won't ever move to a vegan or a raw food diet, though I know that it is better for me than my current food choices. But I'm hoping that I will be able to make the shift to better eating habits if I cleanse monthly and be more diligent with my daily walks.

I hope that I can make it these few days without food. Wish me luck.

I partied like a rock star... now its time for detox

This past week, the brothers from Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity held their annual conclave event in DC. I have lots of Kappa friends (and a few old boyfriends) so I was very excited to have a chance to connect with old friends and party a bit.

Well... I partied A LOT!! And had a blast. I saw guys I had not seen in 20 years... it was so much fun. I needed that blast of good time (in a bad way). It was wonderful.

A couple of weeks ago, a good friend shared a detox program with me. She told me that it helped a friend of hers who also was battling cancer. It is quite detailed and a bit intensive but I do believe that I need to try it -- at least once -- just to see if it benefits me at all.

I initially thought to start the detox program at the beginning of the month. But I chose instead to wait until after the Kappa festivities because I knew that I was going to party and hang out all weekend.

I will post parts of the detox and keep you abreast of the changes that I feel as I go through the program. I've been reading a lot of books on breast cancer and in almost every book (where there is a focus on nutrition) there is a definite strong urging to clean up your eating habits and work on making good clean nutritional choices a component of your treatment plan.

I've been encouraged by a few people to move to a more holistic and natural lifestyle. To remove meat and sugar (and alcohol) from my diet.

** rolling eyes **

Y'all know that is going to be H-A-R-D for me. I love a good steak, some pork and some chicken. I could go for a ribeye from Ruth's Chris RIGHT NOW... (laughs) but... its time to refocus on taking better care of myself and learning to incorporate everything that will make my life better (and longer).

One of the difficult emotional issues I am dealing with constantly is the fact that I feel like I'm finally coming into my own as a woman. I am comfortable in my skin, generally happy with my life and breast cancer is threatening to take that away from me at any moment. Its so frustrating.

At any rate... this train is about to take a different angle. I will have to work slowly with reducing my meat intake and really work hard at reducing my sugar intake. I like desserts a lot, but I will have to do things a different way.

Life is just simply different now. No matter how much I wish it wasn't. To paraphrase Marlo Stanfield from "The Wire"... I want it to be one way, but its the other.