Turns out that she was an old co-worker and she had just had a baby 6 months ago. Miss Emma was one of the most beautiful and happy babies that I've ever seen. As Emma's mommy told me the story about her birth -- her mom never really wanted kids but then changed her mind, once she changed her mind she found out that her body had some challenges that would make it difficult if not impossible for her to get pregnant or carry to term.
Long story short... all of the challenges and concerns did not stop Miss Emma from making her world debut. Like I said... she was beautiful. Cherubic, smiling face... the melodic gurgling giggles... just perfection. She was absolutely perfect.
Normally, the sight of a beautiful baby gives me a moment of womb-envy. It makes me pause and sigh and wonder what in the world my future will hold in that regard. But as Emma's mom and I kept talking -- mind you, we haven't seen each other in years so we had a lot to catch up on -- she helped to reframe my thinking about all of this.
Emma's mom had a lot of reasons why having a baby could have been a long-shot. She had a twisted cervix, and a serious issue with fibroids. Her doctor had actually recommended that she consider having a hysterectomy. But she decided that she wanted to try and she wanted to have a baby. And while she did experience some problems... her baby is perfect and beautiful.
(Fibroids are a major health issue for african american women - a lot of us have them and they can wreck havoc on your womb health) http://www.fibroids.com/news-blog/2010/04/african-american-women-and-fibroids/
As we discussed my history with breast cancer and I explained that I was concerned that my fertility was gone or significantly reduced, and I explained that the medication I take now to reduce my chances of breast cancer recurrence cannot be taken while pregnant... so the consideration about having a baby is a serious one for me. She asked me whether I wanted to have a baby... and I laughed.
Yes, I think children are beautiful (albeit expensive) and I would love the challenge of having a child and being able to nurture a new person for the world... but interestingly enough I can't do it alone. And there's still no guy for me to consider having a baby with. Emma's mom said something that made me pause... she told me to wait until I came across the guy who would adore me. Now, I've heard that before but for some reason it was as though a lightbulb went off when she said it. Emma's mom was glowing. And I could tell that it wasn't just because she had that beautiful baby. She was really in love and with someone who loves her back.
And it made me think about my own dating life -- or what vestiges remain of it -- and I laughed out loud at myself. I've been kicking myself for being too picky at times. Kicking myself for not being picky enough at other times. Kicking myself for being too aggressive. Kicking myself for being too passive. Overall... I've been kicking myself for not getting this dating thing right. But it just hit me that until I meet "the one"... moving beyond the ones who aren't him is exactly what I am supposed to do.
Likewise... Emma's mom dropped another nugget of wisdom on me. Again, something I new but it still made the lightbulb go off. She said simply... "our bodies are so amazing". (don't worry if the lightbulb didn't go off for you) All of the ways that the doctors tried to prepare her for the likelihood that she could not become pregnant or that her baby might be born with some health concerns... at the end of the day, none of it mattered and her blessing was simply her blessing.
I needed to be reminded that sometimes God just has something for you. Its got your name on it and it will not be denied... no matter how long the delay may be.
I found my second wind and went to the dinner party. Fatigue overtook me after I ate and I had to leave before the partying began but... I went and had a good time. My frame of mind was better and I was peaceful with the notion that if its meant to be, it will happen.
That is a beautiful thing. :)
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