My auntie who is also my sister, will be okay

This past weekend was Thanksgiving and I had a wonderful time visiting with my family members who came up for the holiday. One of the guests was my auntie who is also a breast cancer survivor. She was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago, and just as she passed her 5 year mark... she was diagnosed with a recurrence in her other breast.

Her cancer was not advanced as mine -- either occurrence -- and she has not had a mastectomy like I have. But we are now sisters (pink ribbon sisters) as well as auntie and niece. Breast cancer has joined us together in a way that nothing else ever could. We talked about different parts of our journey after dinner on Thursday as we sat around the table (just the girls) talking while the guys watched football. At one point, my mom commented that she hoped to never go through what we've been through. And we both replied... we hope that you don't have to either.

Its not that you can't get through breast cancer... you can. Millions of us do every day. But you lose a bit (ok, a lot) along the way and you're not the same at the end. Which I suppose is the point... but its still unsettling. And the real truth is that not everyone makes it. That's where the fear lies.

It was the first time I've seen her since I heard about her recurrence and it was a relief to see her smile and laugh and be happy. Even as she prepares to start her radiation therapy in the next few days. She was in great spirits and told me that her recurrence was found so early that she won't have to undergo chemotherapy this time. Just radiation treatment.

I was happy to see her, happy to hear her prognosis and just happy all around to spend time with her. But this morning, as I hugged her goodbye... I felt a small twinge in my heart. It never gets easier... It may disappear for awhile -- where you don't think about it every moment of every day -- but whenever I learn that someone has been diagnosed with breast cancer, I shed a tear. Every time.

My auntie will be fine. I am quite confident of that. But, just as I was afraid before I started my treatment, I am concerned for her. Radiation is tough. It tires your body immensely, the burns on your skin are more than unpleasant and its tedious. Every day, for weeks on end... its like a job. And its not a job that you can quit because you don't like it -- well, you could but how risky is that? How smart is that?

Talking to my auntie reminded me of all that I went through over the past two years. Just as I thought I had turned a corner and wasn't emotional about this journey any longer... the reality of all that happened hit me this afternoon like a ton of bricks on my head. The fear, the anger, the confusion... all of it... came rushing back like a strong wind. My prayer for her is that the journey will be easy for her this time, and that they get all of the cancer that is there. My prayer for myself is that I remember that God brought me this far... and I'm going to be okay. My prayer for all of my pink ribbon sisters and brothers (and their families and friends) is that we find a cure for this disease... and soon.