Always emotional about breast cancer and this journey

I've been reading and following along with a few of my pink ribbon sisters as they blog their way through their own health crisis. And it seems that no matter where I am on my journey, I can always connect deeply and sincerely with wherever they are in their journey.

I have been buoyed and elated by some of their posts... and I've been saddened and overwhelmed by others. It really hurts me deeply to read about other people's pain. I guess I understand how some of you may feel reading about my issues, tears and such. Somedays its just really hard.

One of my favorite breast cancer bloggers is dealing with the issue of infertility... reading about her struggles with that tears me up. It is yet another really difficult and unfair part of the process of dealing with breast cancer when you're a young woman. Issues of fertility matter.

I keep trying to avoid thinking about my own fertility issues. I keep mentally crossing my fingers and toes that my current state of menopause is temporary and my fertility returns -- sooner rather than later. I don't have any guy in mind to father a child (laughs) but I have to admit that when I look at babies now, I just cry.

I've gotten pretty good at holding back my tears when I'm in public. But when I get home at night and crawl into my bed... sometimes I just break out in deep sobs and wonder when, how, if...

I remind myself that my journey isn't over and God grants miracles every day. I just hope that I'm on that list of miracles waiting to happen.


I'm sorry that this post is so somber. Especially after being so joyous the other day about rocking my scars and feeling all sexy... but the emotional ups and downs are part of this frustrating and overwhelming journey. Some days, I'm all smiles and glistening teeth. Other days, I'm teary-faced and puffy-eyed from crying.

Through it all... I know that I am blessed because I am still here.