Emotional ups and downs -- but SPRING is coming

This has been an interesting week. Like many other breast cancer survivors... the news of someone else's battle with cancer can send me soaring or can plummet my feelings into the abyss.  Depending upon whether they are triumphantly coming out of treatment with a great prognosis or are facing end of life issues when their cancer has been determined to be terminal.  Even when the news is about a friend of a friend of a friend, I'm still very emotional.

Cancer sucks.

That is what the shirt I'm wearing at this moment says and I wore it on purpose this morning because I learned about two people this week who are terminal with their cancer. It never stops breaking my heart. And it always makes me stop for a moment and just wonder... will that pain happen to the people in my life that I love one day? I don't know. I can't read the future any better than anyone else. I have an appointment with my oncologist next week. I have been looking forward to this appointment for a couple of months but in the past 24 hours, my mood around it has shifted into a little bit of fear.

I think that's how it is with cancer. You don't know when something will come along and remind you just how vulnerable you are... until it hits you. I've been cruising around these past few days and weeks... focusing on the future, trying to find new friends to hang with, trying to reconnect with old friends... not really thinking much about breast cancer. Well, thinking about breast cancer in a different way. My mind has been focused on how to live beyond breast cancer... and now I'm a little shook because in the blink of an eye it can be about how to die with breast cancer.

That's extreme but its possible. Two people tangentially connected to me are facing those issues right now. I'm preparing to go out in a couple of hours to hang with some good friends, eat some great food and have lots of fun. It should be an amazing night. But knowing that I'm going to see Dr. Siegel next week, and knowing that at least two more people will be lost to the world because of breast cancer... really makes me just a smidge afraid.

Life is about how you react to the situations and challenges that you are presented with. My life (at this moment) is about letting the world know that sexy and breast cancer DOES go together... and trying to leave a faint mark on the world that will remain after I'm gone.

Alright! Enough of the sappy stuff. It is a beautiful day in the DC metro area. Spring has SPRUNG... and I plan to twist, and flirt and laugh... all night long.

Smooches! (The Tidal Basin during the blossoming of the cherry trees is my ABSOLUTE-CAN'T-GET-NO-BETTER-I-LOVE-ALL-OF-THIS-TOURISTY-STUFF spot in the world. This is a stock photo, can't wait to get out there next week and take my own pictures)