July 30th will be the 1 year anniversary of the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I remember the day clearly... the days leading up to it are a bit fuzzy in parts and I remember the day after my diagnosis. I took the day off from work because my head was a mess and I just kicked it with my boyfriend.
It was good to have a boyfriend then. Really good.
I found out the confirmation of my pathology reports over the phone. I was at work and it was just after 9am. The doctor was kind, especially considering we didn't have too much of a relationship. I saw him just the one time, when I went in for the biopsy and other than speaking on the phone that morning, have never talked to him again.
It must be difficult to have a job like that. One where you have to give difficult news on a regular basis. But I have to say, he wasn't cold or abrupt the way that people can be when they do something so very often. He was considerate and very kind. Which, in hindsight, was a huge blessing.
I was devasted on that day and honestly a part of me is still torn up. Time is making it better but its a slow process. I am healing... it too is a slow process. I am wondering how I will feel on the actual day. And how I will feel a year from now, and then a year from then... and so on.
I've been reading that many cancer patients have come up with different ways of celebrating their cancer-versaries. Some celebrate their diagnosis. Others celebrate the last day of chemo, or the day they are told they are cancer-free. Some people wait until they reach that very important 5-year milestone.
I don't know what I'm going to do that day. My guess is that a glass of wine will be involved. Maybe a steak at Ruth's Chris... or maybe I'll send myself some flowers and some cupcakes. I don't know. But now that I'm thinking about it, I think I need to start making some "happy plans" so that when the day comes even if I cry a little, there will be something to make me smile a little too.
Balance is important.
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