"nothing left to say"...

Wayman Tisdale died today. He was 44 and had bone cancer. He was a former NBA star and a world-known jazz artist. And though I have never crossed paths with him in my life... my heart is heavy with ache for his family. I was going to share a link of a video of him from last September. He had just had his leg amputated and was on the video talking about how good he felt and how much more life he was looking forward to living.

And now... just a few months later, he's gone. Now, Wayman lived a life that many folks dream of. He lived large... just making it to the NBA is huge. But to make it to the NBA and then have a follow-up career as a jazz musician...wow. That's like hitting the lottery twice.

Today has been a day of cancer-reflection and thought. As I mentioned, I have two events this weekend where I will be discussing my breast cancer journey. And, to my surprise, I read a very touching email message this morning that detailed a sister's brief journey after discovering a lump in her breast. (if she gives me permission, I'll post it here) She credited me and my blog with helping her to take the lump seriously and checking it out quickly. Thankfully her lump wasn't cancerous - and that's usually the case - but I was most thankful that she even thought to check it out.

I titled today's entry "nothing left to say" for a couple of reasons. One, this song is one of my favorite songs at the moment. Two, sometimes there really isn't anything left to say in a particular situation. And three... often times we don't expect there to be an ending to what we have in our lives. But, there is always an ending. What's important is how we prepare for the end and how we decide to let things go.

The song is about a break-up and he details how they talked and heard each other but failed to communicate. How the things that he loved about her were the things that ultimately pushed him away. And that made me think of myself and how I'm embracing the changes that breast cancer has forced me to make. Like, no longer procrastinating about doing those things that bring me joy. Making sure to keep myself surrounded by people who love and support me and keeping those people who drain me or upset me at arm's length. Realizing that life is short but while I'm here, I deserve to enjoy every moment. I'm tired of feeling like "I can't afford it" or "I'm not ready for that". Dying at 44, I'm sure wasn't on Wayman's list of "things I can do". But, everything that I've ever read about the man tells me that he had an amazing life full of things he really wanted to do. He leaves behind a wife and 4 kids and millions of fans.

There's nothing left to say...