a sweaty mess... and i need to temper my thoughts

It is 430 am and I am a sweaty mess. The routine is the same night after night. I find it interesting that while I was in Florida, my hot flashes were minimal. Not sure if its because it was hot like Hades there and I couldn't tell the difference or because I kept the air conditioning so low in the room that sweat didn't dare show up out of fear of instant evaporation.

Whatever the case, not working here. Definitely. However, there is good news. Relative good news, that is. I read somewhere earlier this evening that suffering through hot flashes was actually a good sign.

...women who are experiencing hot flashes have an associated lower level of estrogen circulating in their bloodstreams, while the absence of hot flashes is associated with higher levels of estrogen. And it so happens that reducing the amount of circulating estrogen is a major treatment strategy in breast cancer.

I will have to remind myself of this often over the next few years. Because honey... this sweating all night long (for no good reason) is for the birds.



....wanted to add that the whining and complaining I used as my last blog entry was a sad display. It is a tragedy that I have become afraid of living and dying at the same time. That there is some punk logic for ya. Since I'm up, I'm giving myself a mental pep talk.

Life is too short - with or without cancer - to live afraid. You can't function that way. Its crazy.

Yes, I have cancer. More than likely, I'll beat it. I was about to say but... but I won't. More than likely, I will beat it. More than likely, I will beat cancer.

Even though I can think that and somewhat believe it ...when I close my eyes, I see the faces of women who didn't make it. (shaking my head) I don't know family, finding that place of peace within the notion of death is more difficult than I thought.


Whew.