Saw the doctor today and I'm healing quite well. It is a good thing that my recuperation is coming along well and with no complications or infections. I am fortunate that I don't have keloid skin and generally speaking, my skin rebounds well from trauma. So, the scarring across my belly is looking very good and is already looking like it will fade nicely. The scars around my breast aren't healing quite as quickly but still seem to be doing alright. The skin around my breast is more traumatized though from the radiation treatment. I think that it will be some time before that area looks "normal" but that's okay. The surgeon mentioned that I would need to come back in 2-3 months to check my healing again but also to start the planning for the next phase of my reconstruction. To be honest, while it seems that plastic surgery isn't quite as horrible as I'd imagined, it isn't a cakewalk. And I'm not that certain that I want to keep nitpicking for perfection. My plastic surgeon seems to really enjoy what she does. She gets rather excited when its time to discuss procedures and such. I am not so amused by the prospect.
Right now, my new breast is what I call a "Barbie boob"... its round and nipple-less much like a Barbie doll. It isn't (to me) shaped exactly as I envisioned. I am still swollen and tender in the area above the breast and in the area on the side of the breast. But, its tolerable and fine to me. My surgeon mentioned that if the swelling above the breast didn't go down, then she could go back and do a little liposuction to flatten that area.
Blink. Blank stare.
(more after the jump... click on the READ MORE link)
Really now? Um... I don't know about that. I have seen other breast cancer survivors after reconstruction and they have holes/indentations in their chest area where the fat shifted (or whatever). As you can guess... it is NOT a good look. So... I don't know about liposuctioning anything out of my chest. (That just sounds disgusting to me)
Another way that I was reminded today that I'm really not a huge fan of plastic surgery was when my surgeon was examining me and she noticed what I've been calling "my pinches"... areas on each of my hips where the end of the surgical incision was stitched up and caused a "pinched" area. It looks a lot like a hem that has had the thread pulled too tight. But to me, while its not perfect, its tolerable.
Oh no... not to my plastic surgeon. She wants to go in and smooth that out. (gas face) Are you counting? We're up to two procedures now -- the recontouring of my breast and the smoothing out of my pinches. That's just a lot going on to me. I mean, I understand her perspective I think. She can fix it, all I have to do is say the word. But to me, the question is -- is this necessary? And I don't know that smoothing out my pinches is really necessary.
Keep in mind that the real reason for the next procedure should be to reduce and to lift my remaining breast. I KNOW that procedure will be a doozy. She's got a lot of tissue to manipulate and to remove. I'm not particularly looking forward to losing my girl but I can admit that right now I'm a little lopsided and crazy looking. One breast is sitting up so high that when I lay down, my chin rests on it. The other breast hangs so low... if I'm not careful it will roll completely off my chest and hang down my arm. (laughs) Okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit -- but not much. If you look closely... its a bit of a mish-mash over here.
But my fear and concern about more surgery has begun to cloud my vision and with all those areas that could use some refining, when I look into the mirror, I'm fine with the reflection I see. Really fine. I can't forget the week immediately following the surgery in the hospital. The pain... the pain was really bad. The morphin drip was my friend for a few days. And I'm in no hurry to go through that again.
However, if she's able to do the nipple work at the same time... I may consider going back under the knife in about 6 months or so. Right now, the memory of the surgery is still fresh like my scars and the pain is still a big portion of my existence. But in 6 months, who knows? I'll probably be chomping at the bit to get back in the hospital to tighten everything up and make it all look nice.
I had a dream the other night that I went to the beach and had on a bikini. (laughs) So... more surgery just may be in my future.
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