But, we can also look at what we gain when we lose some (or all) of our freedom. A prison isn't just a place with four walls and guards. Some of us are imprisoned by our minds, our circumstances and our bodies. The freedom of believing in yourself, of having the opportunity to follow your dreams or to simply walk on your own, or raise your arms over your head... cannot be underestimated.
I am coming to a place of peace in the journey with breast cancer. I do still have questions and moments when I look around and just wonder ... what in the hell? But, peace is coming to me and settling on me. I have moments when I look at a commercial or a television show and I watch a young woman do something as simple as lift her hands over her head and perhaps sway to some music... and I sigh. I took that simple motion for granted my entire life... until after I had my mastectomy and I couldn't reach up with my left arm. Today, my range of motion is much better, though I have to constantly massage and exercise that arm. I can lift both arms over my head but its not quite the same. The motion is not as fluid and I "feel" it more. But... I am free from cancer. So, the price of my freedom was losing a bit of my gracefulness and a smidge of my motion. Was it worth it? Absolutely.
I often have moments when I look at women with full breasts, or deep cleavage and I mentally flashback to my days of larger breasts and exorbitant cleavage (laughs). I sigh sometimes and I think about where I am today. My boobies are still a nice size -- do not feel sorry for me -- but these boobies are not the same boobies that I had. I took that freedom for granted. I didn't appreciate all the ways that my breasts helped me to feel like me. I always just knew that when I had kids I would breast feed and then after that, I would consider a breast reduction. And today... even if I could have kids, I can't breast feed. But... I am free from cancer. So, the price of that freedom was the loss of one breast completely and the reduction of the other. I lost a bit of my curves in profile and also the frustration of not being able to fit certain clothes because of my breasts. Was it worth it? Was the price for my freedom too high? No. It was not.
Today, I read a blog post written by an incarcerated murderer. He is in a program for incarcerted men that teaches them technology and partners them with a company in the Silicone Valley so that they can learn about technology and possibly gain employment after their release. These men are now embarking on a blog journey to share their stories with the world. While I'm not the bleeding heart softy that many people are, I do believe that you can learn from a variety of sources. The post that I read today was about freedom. "Doin' time or usin' time" And the post actually opened my heart today and reminded me that it all is about perspective. While I do not sympathize with this man... he took someone's life and for me, its just hard to come back from that... I do appreciate that he is learning that the price he's paying for that brutality is freedom. The same freedom that he took from someone else.
Today, I am accepting that while my body is not the same and never will be the same... the price that I paid for my freedom wasn't too high. Wasn't too much. And if I were faced with the same choices, I would make them all over again. I would cry in the same places, feel the same heartbreak and accept that sometimes you have to give something up, to gain something better. Freedom ain't free.
Do not allow the prison of your mind, your circumstances or your body... keep you from loving your life, from living your life and from being a blessing to someone else's life. Pay the necessary price for your freedom... and then USE IT!
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