OMG... I feel awful. I feel sick. I am weak and a little wobbly. And more than anything... I am only slightly upset about it. Its Thanksgiving. Well, the night before Thanksgiving and I am reflecting as I reposition my heating pad on my back, and try to pretend that the smell of Ben Gay isn't giving me a headache. I feel bad because my menstrual cycle showed up yesterday. And... I'm more than annoyed that it came back less than a month after it left.
What is this? Two months in a row? Again with this madness? *deep sigh* I know some of y'all are pretty young and haven't hit a stage in your life where you no longer have a cycle but while I cried and was upset when I had my ovaries put to sleep three years ago when I started chemotherapy... *looking around sheepishly* I LOVED not having a cycle for two years. Freaking loved it.
Man!! You don't realize how much of a pain in the behind all of this cramping and back ache and bloating and PMS is... until you don't have it. *sigh* Oh well... I still love being a girl.
This post was supposed to be about what I am thankful for this year... and I suppose that as nutty and crazy as it seems, especially since I feel so freaking awful, I am thankful for my menses. Because it is normal for a woman my age to have them. Normal. That's what I am now. I am normal. Post breast cancer, regular ol' broke chick normal. I go on bad dates. I eat great food. I laugh a lot. I have a crush on a cute boy. I send texts. I write in my journal -- well, not exactly my journal, but I write down my thoughts. I look for a job, like everybody else in the unemployed world. I drink when I'm out with my friends -- or when I'm just feeling like a little something at home. I watch the Food Network. I am normal.
Isn't that just a blessing? Three years ago, I was fighting to be brave. I was "Weeping Wanda" who cried pretty much all day long. Now, I laugh more than I cry. I tell myself corny knock-knock jokes and fall out laughing as though Bernie Mac was giving me a personal comedy show. I worry about wearing the right shoes, or the right dress... which earrings to wear... all of that silly stuff that just fills up your day. I do that now. I don't have to go to the hospital every few days. I could go on and on.. Granted, normal is different now but it is mundane, just like every one else's life.
I think that finding normal has made me the happiest that I've been in three years. And for that... I am thankful and grateful.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. I am grateful and thankful for your presence and your support. You rock!!
~Nicole
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