On my way to have dinner with some girlfriends, I slipped (or tripped) and fell at the subway station. (sigh) Long story short, I hurt my right arm -- I think I sprained my elbow when I fell -- and I've been trying to give it a chance to rest and heal. It is coming along, not as painful as it was. But it still hurts and the bruising is still there. I can't completely straighten the arm out and if I try to hold anything that weighs more than maybe 1 pound, I'm in trouble.
I have been resting the arm and keeping a warm heating pad on the area several times a day. It has helped significantly. But I believe that it is time (well, beyond time actually) for me to see my primary care doctor to find out whether or not its doing alright.
(more after the jump... click the READ MORE link)
Falling down scares me. I have been awkward and clumsy my entire life -- years of dance lessons and modeling aside -- so bumping into things or stumbling is not something new to me. While I love to dance (and I have a decent sense of rhythm) walking sometimes presents a true challenge for me. I learned in my late 20's that I had depth-perception issues with my eyes which probably has accounted for the clumsiness most of my life. However, I rarely let my natural clumsiness keep me from feeling good about myself. It was just part of who I am. So, fast forward to my early days of breast cancer treatment when my clumsiness took an entirely new twist.
Chemotherapy makes you weak. It makes you tired. It makes you pretty fragile. And for Nicole, it heightened my inability to walk upright and smoothly without falling down. Sadly, I was so accustomed to being slightly awkward and clumsy that I didn't realize at first that my falling down (and sometimes falling out) was a problem until I ended up in the hospital a couple of times.
I'm well past chemotherapy and with God's help, I pray that I never ever have to have it again in my life. I'm not as weak and frail now as I was then but it seems that the enhanced clumsiness is still with me. When I fell down at the metro station, I was embarrassed but mostly I was confused.
It was a clear evening. There wasn't anything slick or slippery on the platform that I noticed. And yet, just a few feet from the steps I landed face first on the cold floor for no apparent reason. A few very kind people stopped to help me and one gentleman swore up and down that I slipped on a wet spot on the floor. But to my recollection, there wasn't any wetness anywhere near where I fell. I just ended up on my face. I don't know why. That scares me a little. Okay. It scares me a lot.
I move around by myself a lot. Like everyone else, I have things to do and places to go. Falling down for no apparent reason is not a good sign for me. It makes me timid to head out alone but that's how I live my life. When I need to do something, I get up and go get it done. At least I used to be that way. Now, I find myself turning down invitations to do things, or taking a long time to convince myself that I can go places... because I have this fear of falling down. Its irrational but its there.
My oncologist could not tell me why I fell down when I was in chemotherapy. But he seemed concerned at the time. I really wasn't then but now, I'm wondering whether my falling has something to do with something else. Is it a symptom of something that I'm unaware of? Its just weird.
There are some health issues that have falling (or the loss of balance) as a symptom. Since I've been experiencing back pain intermittently for months now and my doctor has noticed that I do have arthritis in my back... I think that its time for me to consider having someone check out whether or not there is a problem that I need to work on.
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